Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Musing at Huntington Beach

So I am on the beach in SoCal watching the sun set with a Dos Equis in my hand. Watching sunbathers bathe and swimmers swim. And here of all places I feel the rent in the fabric of my soul, if I have one. I have come to the conclusion that I may be wrong about some things. Something like Morpeus says in the movie, The Matrix, "like a splinter in your mind." That something is not quite right. Something doesn't make total sense. What is it? A tugging between the heart and the mind. A knowledge of meaninglessness but the inability to believe it. Or the not wanting to believe it. I love life. I love life more in my 40's than I ever have in my 30's or 20's. Why is this? Is it because I have a stable career for once? Perhaps. Is it because I am truly free to do as I wish? Not really, because it has always been so. Is it the fact that I have and appreciate my friends and family more than ever now. Could be. Like this blog, I feel the need to write without really writing anything that could be construed as meaningful. Or logical. What is the sun set saying to me, I wonder? The ocean surf? The gulls just a few feet above my head? The sandcastles and the orbiting children? Life just is? For now I will accept that conclusion for I do not have the will to seek another. I will simply sip my beer and stare lazily at the light which will inevitably snuff itself out in the west awaiting the cool embrace of an August darkness.