On Shooting an Elephant

(With apologies to Mr. Orwell)

In recent years I have been a begrudging participant in a game which I am detesting more and more. A game which is played during a White Christmas, but deserves to be played on Black Friday. It is called White Elephant. Unlike most games, where one is trying to win, in this one the participants try hard not to lose. Losing, is when you end up with a useless and equally crappy gift, which tests the denotation's boundaries of what constitutes a 'gift' in the first place, of which, I am told, is the point of the whole exercise.
It can also serve as an exciting showcase of economic theory when one brings a gift that is not so crappy. In all the games I have been a party to (oddly enough, at parties) these 'tusks of ivory' tend to be ones where alcohol is involved. Alcohol: the Arabic word that Americans are most intimate with and simultaneously the one thing that Muslim Arabs consider anathema. Strange, that a liquid with cleansing properties is itself considered unclean by it's namesake.
Be that as it may, when a bottle of Grey Goose or a boxed set of Crown Royal (complete with covetous, blue, velvet bag with golden drawstring, a necessity for gamers who own a plethora of polyhedral dice), or even a designer set of chocolates laced with the unclean distillery of ethyl, causes hoots and guffaws and the envious thoughts of thievery among the assembled throng. For in this game, if game it can be properly called, one can steal what he otherwise cannot rightfully obtain. Depending on which house the game is played in, it can be stolen, at most, twice or thrice, but I find that three times is the consensus. I have seen people run away, lock themselves in restrooms, throw a fist (not a fit, a fist, although the former does happen as well), break the gift (after all, if I can't have it neither can you), and other fanfare such to shame even Gollum's obsessive hunt for the One Ring of The Dark Lord.
This is especially true with children playing the game, though adults act uncannily like them, but with a child it's more hurtful as they do not understand that in an adult's world such terrible things as theft and envy and the law of diminishing returns are commonplace, acceptable and even humorous. Thomas Paine once wrote, "I cannot believe in a religion that would horrify a child", similarly I must say of White Elephant, 'I cannot play a game that would mortify a child'.
After all, what does this avaricious and roguish game teach to those who participate and to fellow well-wishers observing from without:
1) Theft is not only encouraged, it's fun!
2) If you want something bad enough, it can be yours.
3) What you steal can be, in turn, stolen from you.
4) The more you steal something, the more it becomes yours.
5) Alcohol is Gold. Take it at all costs!
6) Expect nothing. Your gift sucks and so does everyone else's - except that guy who got the ice bucket and Stoli set.

I can't help it. I am the idiot that buys a decent gift to put into the pool and watch Hobbes and Locke go at it with the spirit of Darwin hovering over the aftermath. But what I invariably receive is something like a plastic, rotating, TV remote organizer. This would have been a nice gift... in 1977. Or a floating, magnetic, photo cube which doubles as an earthquake detector. Or a black, plastic cauldron with the words emblazoned red as blood in an unmistakable font, "Captain Morgan". Obviously stolen from a Halloween display at your local Rite-Aid.
Oh boy.
If I could work my will, I would alter the game such that everyone would buy cheap, but decent gifts and everyone would draw lots for which one you received. Seems droll and boring, but at least there would be no ill-will on the part of the giver and the receiver, and everyone would have a good time, and children wouldn't feel cheated.
Brian, are you promulgating some spontaneous, neo-socialist doctrine during Christmas? No. I am promoting Christianity (or at least what Christians profess to believe). After all, if we are celebrating the birth of the Christ-child should you not act to emulate his core practice. Should one find that this interferes with the capitalistic excess which this pachydermal pursuit seems to inculcate, then one would have to call one or the other into question. After all, it was Jesus who said, "One cannot serve two masters".
And all this coming from an athiest...

Well let me cap this final thought in the Buddha's words (just to be as religiously inclusive as I possibly can), "Be true to your beliefs and they will be true to you".

And I believe we should start by shooting this White Elephant.
(And not the White Elephant that presaged the Buddha's birth, either).

Watching a Hero Die

I happened upon him quite by accident. I was Googling some info on athiest debates and arguments a year ago. Happened upon a bloke called Christopher Hitchens. Come to find out I had seen him before: on his no-holds-barred report on Mother Teresa and his stint on Bullshit! with Penn and Teller on Showtime.

The man has a gift for oratory. Not loud and brash and solipsistic, but intelligent, erudite and well -- solipsistic.

A Marxist who believes America should be fighting in Iraq and Afghanistan, a person who discovered his Jewish heritage only recently and denounces religion in all its forms. Prone to acerbic wit and vertiginous controversy, this man's honesty alone made him a favorite hero of mine. I won't say 'role-model'. I wouldn't want to make The Hitch cross.

I have his book, "God is Not Great: How Religion Poisons Everything" on audiobook format and have practically memorized every chapter. I figured out his mannerisms and idiosyncrasies, at least as they bloom on the page. They also have a nasty habit of appearing suddenly in his many locutions on his speech and debate circuits.

He has a habit of losing friends. Gore Vidal, Noam Chomsky and Saul Bellow come to mind, but he is good friends with Martin Amis and Salman Rushdie.

He is a devoted follower of Voltaire and Spinoza, while disdaining Nietzsche and Kant.

So we don't always agree on things, as I am more the reverse. It is obvious, however, that Christopher Hitchens has a great love of the English language and this more than any other attribute, I think, is what binds us in a remote sort of way (as I have never met the man).

I am reading "Hitch 22: A Memoir" his latest book, and find it fascinating as well as poignant and thought-provoking. It was during his tour promoting this book that he discovered that he had esophageal cancer.

His latest interview with Anderson Cooper, as well as one with Atlantic Monthly, showed him as his same old self, sans hair. His eyes at times seemed as if he were fighting tears, but this could have been the chemo acting up on him. He is stalwart in his position despite his condition, as all heroes are, and I am sad to see him in this way. I will not despoil his cause by praying for him as I find all prayers to be ultimately futile, and he, obviously, shares my opinion.

But I will hope he gets better soon.

Perhaps that is a kind of prayer. But rather than asking a dictatorial god for permission to heal or regenerate one who did not deserve such a fate (and few humans do), I rather hope that there is a trend in the statistics of his case -- and in his favor.

The Expendables... well... they are.

I thought I would try my hand at movie reviews. And what movie did I see last week? Ah, you read the title! Yes, The Expendables with Sylvester Stallone and various other badasses, contemporary and of yore.

Let me break it down for you: You will not be ecstatic over the plot. In fact, I've seen this plot before... that is, in every 80's man flick. You will not be pleased with the acting, because all the acting stinks. But, if you like loud weaponry, (and what good ork doesn't?) and car chases, and explosions, with little to no sex -- then this flick is for you.

I personally think they should have named this film, Auto-Shotgun Boom-Boom!, but that sounds like an indie flick, more on that later...

Synopsis and stupid spoiler alert, if there can be such a thing in this movie: A group of mercenaries pal around in a biker garage owned by Tool (jesus!) who is played by Mickey Rourke (the new fat one of The Wrestler fame). He owns a tattoo joint called... Tool's which is conveniently located next door. The leader of this group is Sylvester Stallone whose character's name is Barney something or other - who gives a shit - are we really separating the person from the persona in this parody? And there are the rest of Gilligan's Isle... Cauliflower Ear Man, Auto-Shotgun Dude (the n-word with the t-word), Mr. Christmas (you believe this shit?) played by Jason Statham who is the knife dancer, Judas - er I mean, Dolph Lundgren's character who doesn't do anything but break rules, take drugs, and well Judas everybody. More on this piece of work later... Oh, and Ying Yang (holy Christ!) played by Jet Li, why don't we have Chow Yun Fat play a character called Wei Lo Wang, I mean come on! I'm surprised there wasn't a Chinese terrier called Ping Pong or some stupid shit like that. And can you imagine Jet Li as a BIKER?? Anyway, I digress...

The movie starts with these assorted badasses on a Nigerian pirate vessel rescuing some hostages. Short, terse and tense dialogue ensues with the end result being the chief pirate being blasted very graphically in half by a rifle grenade. And that is only the first taste in a long series of bloody pornographia seconded only by Rambo IV and The Passion of the Christ.

After they wrap up the mission and secure the hostages, Judas, er I mean, Dolph Lundgren's character who does have a name but I forgot it and was too lazy to Google it, starts hanging one of the pirates from the ship with some rope.

"We don't do that" Barney Stallone mumbles incoherently, "That's not how we do things."

"But it's fun!" Judas smiles.

They end up beating the shit outta him and holding him prisoner in their Expendable-mobile or a primer-black, Albatross, two-prop, cargo plane straight out of Fantasy Island. They finally cut his bonds while en route (I'm thinking... this is a dumb move) and handing him back his shiny, Klingon knife.

"Is he okay?" Barney Stallone mumbles while piloting the Millennium Albatross.

"Yeah, he's cool." replies Mister Christmas while taking the co-pilot's yoke.

Then they both down a brewski as they fly away into the full moon. Yeah, drinking and flying... at night!! Now, that's manly!!

Then we see the dictator of some South American island called Vilena which sounds as latino as the Ukraine, shooting soldiers execution style for stealing his drug profits, then this American big-shot suit with Steve Austin in tow shoots the final one and delivers some lines that make him a badass. Big Deal. Seen this shit before. Yawn.

Now everyone has heard of the Big Showdown. The Big Scene. Like when Pacino met De Niro in the movie Heat. Stallone meets Schwartzenegger while Bruce Willis does his best stone-cold killer routine as liaison. Schwartz plays an ex-Expendable called Trench who is being offered the same job as Stallone, by Willis. Willis or Mr. Church (so named because the meeting takes place in a church - is that original?) wants to see who will do the job for the least money. In the middle of the tit-for-tat verbal banter between Stallone and Schwartzenpecker, Willis chimes in with this gem: "So are you guys gonna suck each other's dicks?"

Why, Bruce, are you gonna take pics or just stand there and jerk off?

Class.

But oddly enough, Trench disses the both of them with some lame dialogue and walks off.

"What's up his ass?" Mr. Church inquires.

"I dunno, I guess he wants to be president." Stallone replies.

This was the Great Scene we waited so long for? You're kidding, right? How limp.

Stallone gets the job and he and Mr. Christmas go into Vilena to check it out. They meet a girl (maria?) who acts as their guide and they essentially fuck up and have to get off the island. But not without spraying the quays with engine fuel from their Albatross and igniting it with .50 caliber cannons on the nose of the plane. Now, here's a part that made no sense to me. Why would Statham have to go under the pilot control deck to pop out in the open air to fire the nose mounted cannons? Why not just stay in the cockpit and fire them from the wheel. Like they actually did in practice, you goddamn morons!!! Suppose it was raining, how accurate are you likely to be with your head out in the wet firing these cannons which can only be AIMED by the pilot anyway!!! They are nose cannons you idiots! How much can you aim these bad boyz with your joystick Jason?? This is like finding a steering wheel in the engine car of a train. Where you gonna go?

So, they decide not to do this job as it's just not worth the money. But Stallone starts thinking about Maria and why she did not go with them when they left Vilena. So, he talks to his buddy, Tool, and here is the only acting you're ever going to see in this movie: The camera slowly zooms in on Mickey Rourke's face while he's puffing on a 1778 pipe while inking a tat on something. The lighting is pale blue and we see his reflection on a bar mirror as he monologues about a time when he was in The Expendables in Croatia. This scene is moving and is a damn good piece of acting. Tool expresses in one story why he no longer goes on missions with them anymore and why Stallone should go back and rescue the girl.

So he does.

Of course the whole group isn't going to let him go alone so they all get involved, except Dolph. He got kicked out of the group after his faux pas in Nigeria, plus he's a drug user and can't be trusted. So he sold himself to the enemy in Vilena, got some guns and some posse and took the fight to Stallone's HQ. Jet Li is with Stallone in a truck while Dolph and his cronies try to take them out with SMG's and a car chase. Jet ends up in the bed of the pickup firing his gat at the goons. And here is where the headaches come in. Bring some aspirin or ibuprofen with you to the theater because the action scenes are so quick and strobe-like with a lot of movement such that you can barely make out who is getting hit and who is firing the weapons. It is like this through the whole movie. Maybe a pair of 3-D glasses will compensate for this.

Anyway, they make it inside Tool's garage and Dolph and Jet Li duke it out until Stallone finally shoots Dolph 2 inches above the heart. I know this because Stallone tells Judas this as he's dying. I would rank that as TMI. In his 'death' throes, Dolph comes clean and tells him about the plan in Vilena (which is I guess the dictator wants to make money with coke and sell it to Americans?)

So the whole group ends up in a night flight to Vilena to take out the dictator and his American master and rescue Maria.

Explosions, explosions, explosions. People blown or sliced in half. Oh.... and the Auto-Shotgun. I play Dark Heresy and there are a few auto-shotguns in that game. I always wondered what it would be like to fire one of those things in close quarters. After seeing this movie. I now know. And it's badassssssssssssssssssss!!!

The End.

Seriously, that's how it ends. Oh -- I almost forgot! There was an epilogue of sorts.

The Expendables end up at Tool's garage and guess who's there? Judas. That's right the whole Dolph thing was a joke! Ha ha ha ha ha! He's stopped using drugs and changed his ways. Buddy-buddy all over again! Ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ridiculous...

I give this movie 2 out of 5 stars. Not one 'good guy' dies... not one. Every 'bad guy' dies... every one. Except Dolph. It was entertaining on the lowest level, and I've seen worse. And there was that auto-shotgun.

Arkham Bullshit or Why Won't This Game Take Off?

I am an avid fan of H.P. Lovecraft and his mythology. Read them since I was a tyke. When the boardgame Arkham Horror came out I instantly grabbed it so I could relive the stark adventure of investigating the horrors of the Cthulhu mythos.

For those familiar with the Call of Cthulhu roleplaying game, it is practically a boardgame version of that same thing.

I love the game but it is a love that (like all loves I suppose) is interspersed with pain and loathing. Whenever I drag this game out, (and it takes about 15 to 30 minutes to set up depending on how you store your myriad game pieces and how many players you have and how many have never played the game before or need a 'refresher course'), it has met with disaster (with one exception). I have lately been trying to pawn it off on the Petersens since we have been playing cooperative games a lot lately. The first time I showed them this wonderful game, I came dressed as a '20's reporter with suspenders and slicked back hair with a sharp, black coat. Unfortunately, my attire turned out to be more interesting than the game I brought. After I discussed the rules and set up the game, I chose Yig to be our Ancient One and started 'er up. I should also note that I had the Dunwich Horror expansion attached to this game for this session. (Big Mistake). Well, I think we had six players at this game which meant we only needed 6 gates to be open on the game board for Yig to awaken. I can't remember exactly what we did, but apparently we did close some gates because I recall that Yig filled up with doom tokens and woke up. Now, it only takes 10 doom counters to wake up Yig (he's the easiest Ancient One to awaken) and the ensuing final battle with him accomplished much but not enough as attrition set in (as it often does with these Ancient Ones) and all of us fell before his supernatural might.

The game lasted maybe two hours in total and no one was pleased, least of all me. In my shame, I put the game back into the closet and waited until the stars were right to bring it out into the light.

Arkham Failure part 2

This weekend I sprang the Auld Gaym Boxe out again quite without warning on my non-plussed victims (The Petersens). This time: No expansions. No Yig (We picked Shub-Niggurath the goat lady). Seven players (meaning only 5 gates wake up Shubby).

With Shub-Niggurath in play, all our monsters were tougher to kill and the Goat Spawn were Endless (I think only one ever came out). I made sure to remember that in a game with more than 4 players TWO monsters emerge from opening gates rather than one. So, I thought this would be a pleasurable game.

I played Sister Mary the Nun and traded a spell to Ol' Withers the Astronomer for a .45 Thompson SMG and proceeded to kick ass at the Unvisited Isle by killing a Byakhee and a Deep One. But I kept losing my blessings (I received two during the game) to the luckless upkeep roll.

John played the Reporter and he lost his retainer but not without gaining $8 first. He took some pictures of a ghost at the Unnameable mansion then sneaked past it.

Poor Old Withers was stuck in the drenching rain with his walker and could barely move. He eventually made it to the shelter of the Black Cave where he was swarmed over by thousands of bats and then fell into a chasm taking damage.

Wendy Adams and 'Skids' O'Toole actually were in the process of closing gates by adventuring in the Other Worlds when Boom! the fifth and final gate opened at the Woods and we were all teleported to Arkham to battle the now awakened Shub-Niggurath, the Goat of a Thousand Young!

Because only four of us had monster trophies at the time of her awakening, everyone was instantly devoured except those four, namely, the Reporter, the Astronomer, the Nun, and Mark Harrigan the Soldier who had spent the whole game leaping headlong into combats with multiple monsters with his Mk I Flamethrower and Remington Rifle.

The battle was pathetic. We needed seven successes to take a single doom token off Shubby and I don't think we ever got a single one off. We flubbed and fumbled and diddled and dinked and finally, we failed our Sneak checks and died one by one.

"Brian." John remarked, "Put this game away and don't bring it again. Ever."

"Ever?" I responded.

"Well, give it another six months..." he added.

The one exception I referred to earlier was a game at midnight at Kubla Con '08 where we had eight players and it lasted two hours but it was actually FUN! And we won! None of them were veterans of the game so I don't know what the hell happened. Why was that one fun and the others were not? Still analyzing...

I am dismayed at the quickness of a game that takes so much space and so long to set up. Five gates is not a long time at all (four rounds minimum) so I guess the tactics have to change from closing and sealing gates to stocking up for the ultimate battle with the Ancient One.

Oh well, we'll try again later this year (maybe Halloween) and see what happens then.

I also do intend to break it out during Pacificon this year. I'll give an aftergame report at that time and see if any progress has been made.

Sex, Dice and Gamer Chicks

I figure more people will read my blog with a titillating title like that.

I bought a book called, well, that very same thing: Sex, Dice and Gamer Chicks at Game Kastle in San Jose. It was $30 but felt it was worth $20. It's a very funny diatribe on all the gamer stereotypes out there, Gamer Chicks, Rules-Lawyer, Fatbeards, Games Masters, Stealth Gamers, Gothapotamus, etc. My only complaint is, it is a bit wordy and obviously told from the British POV.

I hate 'arse' , it should always be ASS!

I hate 'sod off', only shotguns are sawed-off. Otherwise, FUCK-OFF!

'Given a good drumming' what the hell is that? You mean 'Getting the shit kicked out of you?'

It's not a windscreen, it's a windshield,

It's not a lorry, it's a goddamn truck!

And it's not a tyre, it's a TIRE!

Anyway...

I also got the latest small-box expansion to the Arkham Horror boardgame: The Lurker at the Threshold.

It looks like the most interesting of the small-box expansions. I like the relationship cards and the Dark Pacts. I also like the fact that they added a King James Bible to the Common Items card deck. Now, we mean business!

Words for the Arkham Wise: People on the Boardgame Geek site say to start a novice group with Yig as the Ancient One. I say Poppycock! Start with someone with at least 12 on the doom track. 10 is just too quick, at least it was for my group. Also, kick out all the expansions on the first game, for some idiotic reason I played Dunwich and Kingsport with the base game when introducing it to some neophytes. Bad Karma.

I will say however, that Shadows Over Camelot sure got Audrey and John Petersen riled up to beat that damn game. It's a cooperative game like Arkham Horror, and lately we've been heading in the cooperative direction as far as boardgames. Don't know why. I guess they're fun.

John pulled out his Lord of the Rings coop game by Reiner Knizia and we played that twice because we were so pissed off after losing the first time (plus we corrected a few rules we got wrong the first time) It didn't make a damn bit of difference. We still succumbed to the Dark Lord in his Dark Tower. At least the second go around we got as far as Mordor before we fell. Not Bree.... oops.

Another cool coop game is Cattlecar Spectacular er I mean Battlestar Galactica. It's about as long as Arkham Horror but without 400 types of tokens and card decks. Also there is a lot more interactivity as there can be more than one traitor or Cylon on board. Shadows has 0-1 traitor (thanks Marcus for mastering the art of Traitorhood), Arkham has none because the game is so weighted against the players they don't need one.

The quickest coop game I know is Pandemic. And as is the case with all coop games, just as depressing and rigged for you to fail.

Let's see how these cooperative games fare on the Universal Doom Scale:

1 Arkham Horror

2 Lord of the Rings

3 Shadows Over Camelot

4 Pandemic

5 Battlestar Galactica

Obviously, these Doom Factors change when certain expansions are added to them. LOTR with the Sauron expansion is a bit tougher than Battlestar with the Pegasus expansion. I haven't played Shadows with the Merlin's Company expansion, but I hope to get it soon and will see how that works.

Anyway, just reporting and venting as usual.

See ya round and happy gaming!

I Am Alive Again!

How can I possibly start after so long an interim of silence?

Well, concerning my '97 Honda Accord: $5,000 later, I got a new engine because the reason the temp gauge could never be fixed was because my head gasket was blown. So, that problem was solved. We'll table this for a later discussion as I'm trying to be somewhat chronological here.

I visited my father in Kentucky on four occasions since the last blog and it wasn't until the last one this past June 2nd to 8th, that I felt really comfortable there. I got to see Churchill Downs, the Patton museum, Fort Knox, Louisville, the Heaven Hill distillery, a weapons museum, all kinds of stuff. Don't care much for their weather, though. As my dad said, "If you don't like the weather here, just wait a few minutes..." I later found out that Mark Twain had said the same about the weather in New England. I love my Dad and my new family there. I miss them more and more as time inexorably moves on. So, that's the good news.... (and, yes, I did wish him a happy Father's Day today).

On August 8th of 2009, my aunt Faye (my Dad's sister in KY) passed on due to pancreatic cancer and the next day my father here in CA, the only one I had known for forty years, Ed Perez, died due to a heart attack in Yuba City. I don't think I have fully recovered from that loss (how can one really do so?) but I feel I have moved on at this point. I had to leave for KY a week after his death and that trip was quite surreal for me. I met a very nice girl there, April, and though it didn't turn into anything, we still talk on occasion. I was very messed up and did things I later regretted. She was kind enough to understand, and that's really all I can ask of her. I started writing a lot of poetry during this period... none of it for public consumption.

In September of that same year, I was rear-ended in my Honda Accordion by some brash idiotic youth barreling out of his high school with his girlfriend. I was at a stop light and he didn't even hit the brakes. I was slammed into at 40 mph. My seat broke. My new engine was leaking fluid all over the asphalt. It was over. Luckily no one was harmed. This was my second accident in a year. I was involved in a five-car accident on the 101 on Memorial Day of 2009. Some cargo van plowed into a car which plowed into another four cars which then tapped me as we were stopped on the highway in close proximity to each other. That wasn't so bad, not even enough for my deductible to kick in. All it did was make me late to the Kubla Con game convention that day. But this one totaled my car. Finally, kill this beast. It had over 220,000 miles on it, and I was due for a new car anyway.

Being as the car was owned free and clear, this meant I would be screwed beyond all measure. My insurance company gave me $2,500 for the car and thanks to some sorely needed help from my Dad, Wayne, in KY and my Mom here in CA, I was able to make the down payment to secure my new, er-- used '06 Honda Civic four-door sedan. I now have to make a car payment, but I have a better car now so I am happy. Just changed the brakes on it yesterday.

Meanwhile, at work, my supervisor gained the Sacramento territory and I instantly jumped at the chance to work there, so as to be closer to my friends and family in Marysville and Yuba City. After I searched for a decent apartment and made the deposit, my employer changed his mind after realizing that there would not be enough work for me there. So I pulled up stakes at the last moment (literally!) and found a place in downtown Tracy, since I now work in Pleasanton rather that Santa Clara/San Jose. This cost me around $300 in back rent which my employer was more than gracious to reimburse me for. I finally moved on May 8th of this year.

Again, I am happy.

I had to fight AT&T for a month!!!! to get internet at this place. And the day I finally got it, Comcast turned off my 'free' cable service. I guess it was residual from the former resident of my place. That's okay, who needs TV anyway....

This week, I will be filing for bankruptcy (Chapter 7), since my new rent is making it impossible for me to keep up on a couple bills. We'll see how that goes.

On the dental front: I had a root canal, a crown, three fillings, the removal of two teeth and another possible crown in August. Not bad for not seeing a dentist in 17 years, eh?

That's a joke. Please see your dentist regularly so you don't have to lose any teeth. Comprende?

I think that's the gist of it. Let's see, I hate Facebook, I don't tweet or twitter or whatever. I do text though it's a pain in the ass. Am I done?

I guess I am for now.

What a Couple of Weeks!

Last Friday I was toolin' down I-680 to work at 7:30 am trying to make it for the bi-monthly meeting and suddenly my engine light went on. I noticed it and wondered how long it had been on. I searched all my gauges and found that my water temperature gauge was so hot it was off the scale!
The smart thing would have been to immediately pull over and call for a tow. But I panicked and kept going to the nearest exit (5 miles later). I pulled onto Durham Rd. heading for Fry's Electronics and just a block away white steam billowed out from under my hood. I freaked out and pulled over into a ditch near a merge sign on a very busy thoroughfare.
I shut off the engine for 15 minutes and then tried to get back into traffic only to discover that every person on that road was a complete asshole and wouldn't let me in. I eventually forced my way in (water gauge still hot) and finally made it to the parking lot of Fry's where I heard the horrid sound of rattling in my engine just as I turned off the engine.
I got out and inspected the engine. There was a hole in the reservoir where I figured the steam was coming from.
Having no roadside assistance plan, I called 411 for a towing company and contacted U-Save Towing. 20 minutes later RC showed up with his truck. RC is a black guy who had worked for various towing companies over the years. I pulled my car onto his 50 degree incline burning rubber on the front tires trying to keep it from falling back. RC chuckled. "You got it. You ain't going anywhere." he said.
During the ride to the nearest auto shop, RC told me of his experiences in Modesto and the Central Valley vis-a-vis Fremont and the Greater Bay Area. He was convinced that people in the bay area were nicer than those in the central valley. I agreed. We then talked about racism and the economy. Talked about global warming and the changes in the weather. He said, "Here I am, a black man, talking to you, a white guy. Two people who probably would never speak together except for the intervention of fate. I know people in Modesto who are angry with me and speak badly to me simply because I have dark skin. But my question is: Why don't people use whatever anger they have inside them and use it to fight global warming, or fight fat cat corporations, or back a particular candidate, or something that really matters instead of hating minorities for something we never did? It's stupid."
I nodded my agreement. He was very fair with me and charged me a mere 58 dollars for the tow. When Family Garage opened, he left shaking hands and exchanging names. Martin emerged from the garage, a latino man who spoke good English. I told him my radiator blew and I needed a new resevoir. He said he would look at it and would probably be done around 11:00am.
My situation at work was bad. I had several calls open, a couple that were a week old and one that I could not seem to fix. I missed the meeting (I later found out it was nothing but a bad news session), and will now be throwing more money into The Beast that was my '97 Honda Accord.
I ate a good breakfast at Dino's Family Dining (what's with the whole family thing in Fremont, anyway?) and walked and walked... and walked. The temperature steadily rose to over 100 degrees Fahrenheit, and Martin wasn't done at 11. He was done at 4:30 pm.
He replaced the radiator and charged me 222 dollars. Not bad, except he wanted that in cash. He had no way to process credit or debit cards. I wish he had said this before. So, I wander out into the heat and coax 240 dollars out of an ATM at a 76 station. (It took two transactions since most ATM machines only allow $200 max.)
Martin didn't have a reservoir so he epoxied the cap on and sealed the hole. A temporary fix until the weekend.
So, I go to Game Kastle on Coleman Ave in San Jose and wait for the traffic to subside and the weather to cool down. I left at 7:00pm and made it home in an hour. All that time my water temp gauge was oscillating between just under the half mark to hot. As long as I kept moving, I was fine, but if I stopped or ascended a hill, the temp would rise.
Saturday: I go to Premier Auto and Tire in Manteca and guess what? They don't have a reservoir either. They have to order it from the dealer. So I have them take a look at the damage and they noticed melted plastic wiring which they repaired as well as replaced the headlight they were supposed to fix last weekend.
Again, the water temp gauge is all over the place and it's getting worse.
Monday: I kick ass on calls in an effort to catch up. I have to turn off my engine twice in traffic to keep from overheating.
Tuesday: I take two hours off work to find out if the shop has my reservoir. Nope. However, en route to work an hour later they call to inform me that they do have the part. Oh well, looks like tomorrow. I do an install for BAE Systems, fix one of their copiers, and a couple other calls. I then go to Game Kastle (again to wait for traffic and the heat to subside) and play a cool game of Federation Commander ( a newer and better version of StarFleet Battles). I met three friends who were veterans of the game and they were looking for new players. What luck! I played a Lyran Cheetah Frigate and Destroyer against a Federation New Command Cruiser and a Kzinti New Battlecruiser. My partner had a Lyran War Cruiser and another Cheetah Frigate. We won but it was a hard fought battle. It was 10:00pm and I was still in San Jose! I made it home by 11:00pm and went to bed.
Wednesday: I go back to Premier Auto and Tire. They install the reservoir and thermostat. They let go of my car at 2:30pm so it was too late to get to work. However, the water temp gauge was slower at getting to hot but it was still getting there. Can anyone fix this fucking car?
I got three new calls on top of the three old ones I had. So tomorrow will be another busy bee day. Let's see how much I can accomplish with all this bullshit going on....